This collections are from 9gag.com. I translated it into Korean before, and I think this is funny to English speakers. Now I created the English blog, so I write this post.
'Ask the duck' is a play that put a duck picture with funny things.
Here is the sample:
"If you are asking a girl out on a date, always give her two options a week apart. She will always choose the one when she is not on her period."
Yes, the duck is meaningless. It's funny without the duck.
I brought the 25 collections. I hope you can enjoy them:
1. If you are asking a girl out on a date, always give her two options a week apart. She will always choose the one when she is not on her period.
2. When you want a girl's number at a party, take a picture with her and ask her to send it to you.
3. If you accidentally close a tab, CTRL+SHIFT+T reopens it.
4. If you murder someone, bury the victim 6-10 feet underneath a dead dog. Body-sniffing hounds will dig up the dead dog and police will think it's a false positive.
5. Running a bit late for work or a meeting in the morning? Take a few minutes to stop and get a box of donuts for the office. Everyone will remember the gesture, not your tardiness.
6. Instead of pressing CTRL+ALT+DEL then clicking the task manager button, you can press CTRL+SHIFT+ESC to open task manager directly.
7. Chrome freezes and you can't close the tabs? Shift+ESC. Chrome has its own task manager.
8. If your wife texts you something about your ex-girlfriend and she spells her name wrong, Don't correct her!
9. If she says "See if I care", she cares.
10. Drunk in bed when your head starts spinning? Keep one foot on the floor.
11. If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone. For future reference you can text that picture to people as a great excuse.
12. Instead of hitting backspace multiple times to correct misspelled words, Erase the whole word by pressing CTRL+BACKSPACE.
13. Surround yourself with people who have dreams, desire and ambition. They'll help you push for and realize you own.
14. Always put a question in your messages to crush, you'll have more chances to get an answer and it will start a conversation.
15. If you want to be well prepared for your exam, close this window. Now.
16. Don't know if you should kiss her? Kiss her on the cheek. If she doesn't want it's not awkward and if she does, she'll do it because you showed interest.
17. If you need to tell a believable lie, include an embarrassing detail. Nobody will doubt a story that makes you look dumb.
18. When going on a first date, take her to see a horror film. She will remember feeling an elevated heart rate and associate it with attraction.
19. If you need to get rid of a boner, rub the bottom of your forearm quickly, your body will send more blood to your arm and less to your penis.
20. Never cheat on your girlfriend. Just Don't.
21. Always invert the last two numbers. If she give you the right number she'll correct you, otherwise she'll don't give a duck.
22. Don't want to be embarrassed when buying something? Buy a birthday card along with it.
23. If someone tells you they had a crush on you in high school, They usually still do.
24. The night before, place things you don't want to forget the next morning, on top of your shoes.
25. Depressed? Do something really nice for somebody else.